Whatever Happened to Haruhi Suzumiya?
by The Legate
Summary: This is the story of Kyon, Haruhi, Mikuru, Nagato and Koizumi after High School and the Fall of the SOS Brgade. Multiple One-Shots that take place over the course of many years published and written in non-chronological order. On hiatus.
1. Whatever happened to Haruhi Suzumiya

**Whatever Happened to the Girl with the Yellow Ribbon in her Hair?**

**The following is a fan fiction based on Haruhi Suzumiya written by Nagara Tanigaru. I make no claim of ownership over the source material or the characters within.**

**This fic is named for the DC comic line 'Whatever Happened to the...', which so far has featured the work of great writers Alan Moore and Neil Gaiman. **

**The idea that Kyon actually writing the Haruhi Suzumiya novels comes from MC-kun and his fan fic 'The melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya by: Kyon'. I haven't read it yet (this was intentional, as to not cross plots over) but if you like this then you might enjoy that fic. **

**Now for some light reading on a Sunday afternoon;**

* * *

><p>I stand on the edge of the stage whilst The Host warms the audience up with a joke. I can feel my stomach churning as he lets the punch line lose. They laugh and even I can admit I chuckled a little. Maybe I didn't show it, but I was definitely thinking it. I notice his eyes on me.<p>

"Ladies and gentlemen, would you pleased as to kind as to give a round of applause for the creator of _'The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya'_ books," the audience drowns him out before he can even finish his sentence. I take my queue and enter stage left; waving at the audience as I step into the harsh lights. I've never been on TV before, I feel uncomfortable.

The applause dies down and I take my seat on the leather chair across from the host's. I smile, as I was told to and try to read the auto-queue but it's all a blur in the excitement. After what feels like an eternity of awkwardness the host joins me on the chair.

"So before we begin on the book series, can you tell us a little bit about yourself? Apparently you're known to be something of a private man," The Host asks. I smile uncomfortably.

"Well...where do I start? I was born in 1994 to a middle class family, both parents worked. I have a younger sister, who is much more academic than me. I went to High School at North High and then went to Kyoto University to study Law," I reply.

"And what did your parents do for work?"

"My mother worked as a secretary for a dentist, on the edge of the city where I lived as a child," as I spoke an old photograph of my mother appeared on the OLED screen hanging behind me. "Yes, like that." I laughed.

"And your father, what did he do?"

"My father worked as a manager for Cyberdyne Systems, Kyoto; one of the companies that went bust in the 2015 Japanese market crash." The picture changed to one of my father sitting in the Cyberdyne office.

"That must have been very difficult for you," I look into the audience to gauge their reaction. I decide to tell the truth.

"Not really...I mean, by that time I was already in my third year of university and dad was always a big saver. We had a lot of money for rainy days. Actually, that was better because that...the collapse of Cyberdyne systems I mean, was the final push that got him to immigrate the family to the US."

"And they still live there?"

"No, no my parents moved back after my father began his second career in teaching. My sister still lives there though; she's currently in her second year of university."

"And where does she study," he says. I can feel my cheeks going red.

"I don't want to say."

"Why not?" The Host leans in. He's smiling at me.

"I swore on Altair and Vega that I'd never admit to her that she goes there," I say with a grin. The audience laughs at my horrible conundrum.

"Well," The Host offers. "Technically you're not admitting it to her though; you're admitting it to us and we won't tell," he says.

"Harvard," I say.

"I'm sorry we can't hear you."

"She's a student at Harvard University, alright? Are you happy now? I've lost my one scrap of antagonism left in the relationship with my sister. There's nothing now, we might actually get on. Are you happy now?" I say jokingly. The audience bursts into all consuming laughter, even The Host chuckles to himself.

"I'm sorry, we're going to have to take a break whilst I...wipe away the tears hehe," the Host say's. The lights shining on us dim.

I take a sip of water to cool my voice. I can hear the audience begin to mutter to themselves. The Host is still chuckling as he wipes a handkerchief across his forehead.

"How am I doing?" I ask.

"Great, although you're being a bit reserved. Try to open up with the next segment."

"I'm sorry. My wife made me promise not to embarrass her on television."

"You're married?"

"Since the last year of University," I reply with a smile.

"What's that like?" I smile.

"Oh, I'm never bored." One of the people from before walks up the middle of the bleachers.

"Look, we're back on," The Host says.

"Five," the man on the bleachers announces. "Four, three." He stops talking and instead holds two fingers up and then one. The lights brighten once again and the house band plays some jazz leitmotif. The audience stands and applauds.

"Alright we're back," The Host says as the audience calms down. "Now that we've found out about your life let's talk about your critically acclaimed series '_The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya_'." The audience applauds.

"Alright,"

"Where did the idea for the novel series come from?"

"_The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya _just began as something that I wrote to pass the time between exams in Law School. It was something a little more interesting than Criminal Law."

"You've been quoted in the past as saying that some of the characters are loosely based off of people that you knew in High School, members of your literature club."

"Very loosely based," I say. "But don't ever tell them that."

"Are you being intentionally avoidant about the issue?"

"I don't know," I say with a smile. "Why don't you ask me the question again using simpler language?"

"Are any characters in your book series based off of people whom you knew in High School?"

"That's...none of your business," I smile at the audience and they laugh. I feel good; the awkwardness at the start of the interview is gone. The Host smiles.

"hehehe," The Host lightly chuckles. "Is there a reason why you're being so avoidant about it?"

"Honestly, I think that if the people who I based these characters on discovered that I based these characters on them then they'd most likely never talk to me again," I ramble on as I lie. I have to lie though.

"So you're still in contact with a lot of people from High School?"

"Yes," I say. "A few people."

"So at this point there have been fifteen light novels; all of which have been best sellers however you've recently said that you have stopped writing the series after _The Epistle of Haruhi Suzumiya_. Why is that?"

"I should have expected this," I say. I know I can't avoid the question but it's still a difficult one to answer."I erm...it's complicated."

"Enlighten us then."

"It's very complicated," I say. "Will that work?"

"No"

"Alright. Honestly?"

"That's preferable yes."

"At the end of Epistle I thought that the series had reached its zenth and that there was no possible way that the series could get any more interesting. I just looked at my time line plan and everything after that point looked dull. Do you know what I mean?"

"I think I do, yes. It's interesting to note that you didn't leave it at completely open ended...you had the short story at the end titled 'Childhood's End'. Was that a reference to Arthur C. Clarke's novel of the same name?"

"Yes it was," I reply.

"For those of the audience who haven't read The Epistle of Haruhi Suzumiya yet would you please be as kind as to summarise the epilogue story?"

"Sure," I say and try to recall everything that happens. "Well...essentially the story takes place several years after the rest of the cannon, when Kyon and Haruhi are just finishing college..."

I continued on, explaining the story for the audience's behalf. I suspect that it was a lie that he was simply filling up time. I don't know, maybe I'm just a time filler? Its one thing to win a Hugo award and it's another to be famous. Maybe he couldn't get Neil Gaiman on tonight and he called me up because his publicist's aunt's friend's gimp's neighbour's florist was a fan of mine and they found out I was on tour locally. Stranger things have happened I suppose.

I finish and have to take a drink from the glass of water. I wonder if it were common procedure to not use coasters in Paris?

I don't think it matters.

"Excuse me?" I turn to the Host.

"Yeah," I say distantly.

"You were explaining the plot of the short story at the end of The Epistle of Haruhi Suzumiya and then you just sort of went limp."

"Oh, I'm sorry," I say. "I went off into a world of my own again."

"I suppose that must be a plus though, being a writer and everything."

"Oh, it is it is," I say and place the glass back down onto the table. "Although I don't think that my mother and father in law are quite very fond of me for it."

"Oh really."

"It happened on my wedding day," I laugh at the memory. The audience joined in.

"Yeah?"

"The whole procession went something like 'do you take yadda yadda yadda to be your awful wedded...excuse me sir," I say and try to keep breathing. "I ended up keeping the whole thing stalled for about two minutes," I make a face and the audience laughs.

"So you are married?" The Host asks as the audience chuckling dies down.

"Well, obviously yes, happily."

"Was that before or after the book series?" I don't know what to say. I laugh uncomfortably. Wouldn't you?

"It was pretty much concurrent," I say. "I mean I met her much earlier than the book series so the marriage and the publishing deal happened at about the same time."

"Ah," The Host has closed in on something. "So when you were married did you have a western ceremony?"

"Yes I did."

"So you had a best man?" I don't know why this line of questioning is in any way related to my books. I don't suppose I can sidestep this question though.

"No," I say.

"No?"

"No, I had a best woman; my friend Naoko Sasaki,"

"Oh?" The audience is as surprised as The Host.

"Yes. Is that strange?"

"No, no...well it is...but it's not," The Host replies, badly. "It's a little bit strange yes."

"Well, I don't care if it's strange. It was a nice day and nothing will ever change that."

"Nice," The Host says underwhelmed. "To most people the wedding is at least 'great' but to this guy it's nice. What would have made it more interesting to you; Aliens, Time Travellers, Espers and sliders?"

"No, sliders would be completely unnecessary, thank you very much," the audience doesn't get the joke. They don't get the joke from my point of view. They laugh anyway.

The laughter goes on for a little while longer before the audience settles down once again. I can tell that my fifteen minutes of fame is soon at an end. The auto-queue say's two minutes remaining. I can see my publicist in the audience and my personal assistant. Both of them have thumbs up. I'm almost done, almost there.

"We're short on time, so I will just ask you one final question before we part ways. In your master plan, how would the series have ended if you had continued the story?"

"_The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya_," I say distantly. "The series would have ended the way most good stories end; romantic resolution, catharsis, probably some sort of final battle and then...I don't know, some sort of post credits scene."

"And that's all you'll ever say?" The Host asks. The audience is deathly silent.

"And that's all I'll ever say," I grin as I reply.

The audience applauds. My refusal to finish the series for them has probably caused some annoyance but at the time I didn't care, and neither did the student audience. The band begins to play again and I take that as my queue to stand up. The Host joins me.

"Thank you for having me," I say and shake his hand.

"It's been a pleasure. What are you going to do later?"

"My wife has arranged tickets to see Les Miserables," I reply.

"I've heard great things about the show. You'll have a great time," One of the stage hands is gesturing me to come off the stage. I oblige and step out into the light. Behind me The Host is speaking directly at the camera. "...the writer of the hit novella series The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya; which has a feature film coming out next year with the same name. He's in Europe on a book tour at the moment so check his website if you want to find your closest book shop where he'll be appearing. Now it's time for some music. Ladies and gentlemen, these young women have come...oddly from the same town as our last guest. They've sold two million records worldwide and they've got a new album out. Ladies and gentlemen, playing their new track 'Tsar'...ENOZ!"

I disappear into the darkened bowls of the television studio whilst my old classmates play their music. The book tour is only just beginning but there are no more TV dates, at least none in French (which, I have to confess isn't my strongest language). I'm relieved. I retire to the dressing room that I had been allocated and take a shower and get changed.

"Your interview was satisfactory, although I am receiving emails from my superiors at the publishing agency that you failed to sell the book enough," my publicist says as I leave the bathroom. "And your fly is open." Oops, I close it.

"Thank you Nagato-san. Have you heard anything from your other superiors?"

"No. For the three millionth, four hundred and sixty five thousandth, four hundred and sixty seventh time my attempt to contact the Data Integration Thought Entity has met with failure, will attempt again in six minutes." God bless her, she used to check once every minute.

"What about Asahina-san and Koizumi?"

"I have been unable to contact Asahina or her superiors since the day that she left North High School. As you are aware Koizumi's last communication with myself consisted of a 'Christmas card' approximately four years ago," she says.

"Approximately," I ask.

"Time is relative."

"Is there anything else?" I ask her as I pour myself a cup of hot chocolate.

"Your PA has called for a car to take you back to your hotel, and I will have mine with seven sugars."

I suppose this isn't the exact way that I imagined my life would turn out, but I'm not uncomfortable in this life either. I was never that academic at school so I doubt I could have been a great scientist or a doctor but on the other hand I doubt I could have made a living as a fisherman either. Regardless, I can't imagine my life any other way. There's just something about recanting your life story and making good money, seeing the world and spending all of that wonderful time with my family and friends that's simply fulfilling.

Our car crosses the front of the Eifel tower and I take a look. It's not that impressive but I suppose when you've seen the things that I have the normal man's world isn't that impressive anymore. Please don't misunderstand me; I acknowledge that it should be impressive. I can see the parts where I should be impressed...the size of the girders, the amount of bolts, the size of it, the lighting bill etc. In theory it's all very impressive but it somehow fails to gain an emotional response.

Maybe it has nothing to do with the weird life that I used to lead and more to do with the life I do now? Was Al Bundy right? Does domestic life really kill your soul? I hope not, I still have to earn a living with my soul. Maybe it's the complete opposite? Maybe the joys of domestic life make everything else seem pale by comparison?

I don't know, maybe I'm going through a midlife crisis. I think I'll get a Bughatti. Bughatti's are cool.

I'm almost crawling by the time I reach my hotel suite. I sigh. Sighing is good to be honest, it lets out stress and it reinvigorates an old soul like mine, it releases carbon dioxide too, which from a purely biological point of view can only be good. I pull on the door knob and let myself in. I can't even get into the hallway before my children ambush me and ask what I've brought them. Karin (the youngest) pulls on my beard gleefully as I scoop her up into my arms. I'm happy to see my children and laugh as they tell me what they've done today.

"And then we went to the Assas University on the Pantheon and mom said that we had to stay there for a minute whilst she has a talk with the Dean of Interna...internat," Isane, the eldest struggled.

"International Relations," I corrected her as she escorted me through the threshold. I could hear my son playing on the games console that his mother's father brought him for Christmas. I nod at my son with a smile as I pass his room on the hallway. I put Karin down and she goes off to annoy her brother.

"Where's mom?" I quietly ask Isane.

"In your bedroom, she fell asleep after we came back."

"Have you been alright?" I ask.

"Yeah, We've only been home ten minutes." I smile at my eldest child.

"Go tell your brother and sister to go get dressed. I'll just get mom up and we'll all go out to eat before the show," I say. Isane smiles at me and then goes into their bedroom.

We've had a funny sort of existence together, me and the old ball and chain. We shared our first kiss under the soft glow of raging anthropomorphic personifications of her inner melancholy. We had our first 'intimate moment' in a cave waiting for the rain to stop whilst hunting for a homicidal Esper (it wasn't really intimate in the traditional way. It was raining and we had to dry our clothes but I've found in the past having children stage of our relationship any time where you get undressed can be classed as 'intimate'). We spent our senior prom fighting Alien Demon Cats possessed by the re-incarnated ear eels from Ceti Alpha V and then...some other stuff that isn't really appropriate to talk about in this medium.

But after all this time and all these experiences I will still shout to the heavens that I'm happy to be with her. Since the day that I met her in the back of that old classroom she's made my life much more interesting; whether it was the time that we got locked in that house or the time that Isane shoved toast into my Playstation 4.

Haruhi opens her eyes and smiles at me. She has a half filled out staff admissions form on her stomach. Closed Spaces stopped appearing during the last year of High School, which is when we began dating. It wasn't long after that that Miss Asahina disappeared completely, and the SOS club drifted apart.

She hasn't changed that much since those days. She's maybe a little taller and with a fuller figure, and she's much more contemplative these days, less prone to emotional bursts of craziness (well, discounting of course the time that she John Lennoned my car).

"Hey," Haruhi said as she opened up her eyes. "How was the interview?"

"Exhausting, The Host made me tell a story about our wedding day."

"The stalling in front of everybody thing?"

"Yeah," I say and fall on the bed next to her, only in opposite directions.

"It could have been worse I suppose. He could have asked you to tell a story from the wedding night."

"That will be my next book," I say with a grin. "The undercooked eggs followed by uncomfortable bed, too thin sheets of Haruhi Suzumiya." She bursts out laughing. I laugh with her.

"What time is it?" She asks.

"Six fifteen."

"What time is the show?"

"Eight thirty."

"Why did you wake me?"

"I thought we could go get something to eat before the show starts."

"Oh. Yeah that sounds like a good idea. I'll just get dressed and then we'll head out." She stands up and so do I. I go into the bathroom whilst she unpacks the dress that we bought last week. I go into the bathroom. "How's Yuki?"

"She's fine," I reply as I wash my face. "She's just brought a new house."

"On her salary?"

"Apparently she got a great mortgage price," I reply. "How was your interview with the University?"

"It went great; they said that they definetly want me to for the position."

"Your mother's going to be annoyed if we move here."

"My mother was annoyed when I married you, maybe this will finally get her to shut up about it," Haruhi replies jokingly. "How long are you going to be in there?" she asks.

"Not long. I had a shower in the studio," I reply as I consider having a shave. My decision, nah. I turn the light out.

"I don't think she ever approved the idea that you used our names for the characters in your books...and then there was the thing that you insulted her cooking."

"Oh I didn't insult her cooking," I say. "You insulted her cooking."

"When did I ever insult my mother's cooking?"

"I think it was book 8," I reply as I brush my teeth.

"Book eight?" She repeats disbelievingly. "Kyon, you do know that the character in your book is only loosely based on me and not actually me? I'm not a reality warper." Sure Haruhi, sure.

"Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing dear," I say. I wish I could tell her the truth. Surely after all these years the masquerade can finish?

I know I can't tell her though; I can only keep her happy and watch the children in case they develop similar abilities as their mother. Dear God I hope not, I really don't want to be in the position where me getting or not getting one of my children a pony will determine the fate of the universe.

"Here you go." I say as I leave the bathroom. We cross paths and she lays the dress across the dry sink. She turns the light back on and looks at her reflection for the longest time. I'm gasping for air trying not to laugh.

"Kyon, my love," she says eerily calmly, still using the name that my sister gave me all of those years ago. "Why did you draw on my forehead whilst I was sleeping?"

I love my wife I really do but she did start this whole drawing on each other thing and, sometimes I just can't resist being evil and continuing our quarrel purely for the sake of it.

**Author's Notes: This will be my last MOHS story for a while whilst I get into University and attempt some different fic universes.**


	2. Do you remember that night

**I'm sorry, I lied. Well, not lied; I was temporally incorrect. I wasn't going to go anywhere else with 'Whatever Happened to Haruhi Suzumiya' but I suddenly had this idea...and then I ignored it but then I had more ideas, and so I just decided to do a few follow ups. Therefore I'm changing this Fic from a one shot to a series of one shot's. I have no idea how many of these will be, and don't expect any regularity to new shots. I'm a busy man and I've got a lot of things to do. Please note that these are not chronological, this one takes place during the last year of University. Anyway, without further adieu I hope you enjoy my story. **

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><p>The park was an image of serenity; University students from Tokyo and their entourages flooded the area around the lake with tuxedoes and high end dresses, alcohol flowed freely from the rich taps of whoever planned the party. Haruhi Suzumiya, the brilliant undergraduate from Nishinomiya was mixing with her upper-class classmates whilst her boyfriend, the boy from Kyoto U did his best to follow her lead. The other members of her entourage however, required their own privacy.<p>

"Did you ever think that we'd still be needed this long after The Event?"

"Standard procedure is that after 3.654 years another Human Interface is assigned to watch the subject," Nagato replied. The Esper handed her a glass of wine.

"Do you think our respective organisations will require us to monitor her for much longer? The other faction hasn't made an appearance since Miss Asahina left."

"No"

"Do you have any idea of what you will do after this assignment?"

"Most likely be re-integrated with the Data Integrated Thought Entity, yourself?" She tilted the glass back and swallowed all the wine at once.

"Impressive," Koizumi said.

"Not really."

The sky in front of the lake suddenly burst into a shower of colours. Behind them Nagato and Koizumi could hear the sounds of cheering from Haruhi's classmates.

"Chug, chug, chug!"Koizumi smiled as in the distance _someone_ started to chug mindless amounts of alcohol. Nagato placed the glass on the floor.

"It's a nice Tanabata," Koizumi said. He lifted up his own wine glass to further nurse it.

"Yes; sensors indicate that the temperature is 80 degrees Fahrenheit, and reports indicated little to no rogue data within proximity to Haruhi Suzumiya."

"Yea," he said. "Nice Homongi by the way."

"Thank you," she replied.

"Been shopping when no one was looking?"

"No, I purchased it several years ago when Haruhi placed our universe within a stable time loop until she could get him to finish his homework."

"I don't remember that," Koizumi said and then finished his drink. Somewhere far behind them they could hear a large group of women gasping. "When do you think he realised how Haruhi felt about him?" He said out of the blue, changing the subject.

"I suspect that he had his suspicions at the start of it all," she replied. "I believe he became conscious of the growing situation during The Snow White incident."

"Oh my God," one of Haruhi's classmates shouted from behind the hedgewall.

"What do you think is happening back there?" Koizumi said.

"No, don't do it you idiot! You're too young man!"

"I do not know, but I think that we are about to find out," Nagato said. Suddenly the group of people hidden behind the hedge erupted in laughter and cheering and Nagato turned her head towards the opening in the thick hedge wall.

"Nagato and Koizumi!" a visibly drunk Kyon said as he joined them overlooking the water. "Guys, I asked her...and she said yes, guys you've gotta come we're going to a church, or a town hall and it's happening now."

He stumbled in and collapsed, Koizumi caught him before he could hit the floor. Kyon reeked of Absinthe.

"Okay here's what I want you to do. Koizumi; I want you to use your SMERSH connections to put together a top notch wedding ceremony. Doves, rice, big cake; I want the works. Nagato, you're Haruhi's maid of honour, and I want you to call Sasaki, I need a best man. Actually call her parents as well, no need to call my parents it's still early morning there."

Kyon pulled himself to his feet. Nagato and Koizumi could do little but stand and watch in amazement whilst Kyon collected himself with almost machine like efficiency. Suddenly Taniguchi appeared from round the hedge wall.

"Dude come on, she's waiting!" He said.

"Right," Kyon said and then started to follow Taniguchi out of the building. "Come on guys, get at is. This is happening now!" He disappeared into the mass of people waiting for the groom to be. "Haruhi get your coat!"

"What do we do?" Koizumi said to Nagato, who had turned pale.

"I do not know."

"Do we do as they say?" Do we ignore them?"

"I don't know."

"What would they say at his University? What would her parents say? Didn't he say that he'd never drink again?"

"She said that she'd never drink again," Nagato replied.

"Do you think she's sober?"

"I do not know. However with the lack of superfluous data I believe that she is sober."

"Do you think that she'd take advantage of him whilst he's intoxicated?" They started pacing, as did Koizumi's heart rate.

"I don't think she's ever thought that she had a bad idea," she replied.

"Wait!" Koizumi said and stopped dead in his tracks. "I know, we'll stall them, we can't stop them in case we risk Haruhi's fury, and we can't do exactly as they say-"

"Why not?"

"Because when he sobers up Kyon will kill us."

"Ah"

"So we'll stall them, until he sobers up and until she realises what a horrible idea this is."

"Nagato, Koizumi are coming you?" Kyon shouted from across the lawn.

"Come on," Nagato said and started walking towards the break in the hedge wall. "I must find a phone."

"Yes, and I've got to find the groom some coffee," Koizumi said as he made off after the proto wedding party.


	3. Grounds for Divorce Part II

**Grounds for Divorce, Part II**

The Hospital's waiting room was stuffy in the summer night heat. Some genius had turned down the lights. The Bride paced up and down the long room, whilst her family could only look on.

'How long have we been here?' the groom's mother said in Japanese. 'Feels like hours.'

The groom's younger sister lifted her arm up to her face and read her watch. 'Ten minutes,' she replied.

'What does that sign say?' Mrs Suzumiya asked her brother in law, Nagaru Suzumiya.

'No fat chicks,' he replied, the groom's father smiled and made a mental note to 'high five' him later.

'Really? There's a picture of a pregnant woman...'

'It says "Don't forget to have a neo-natal exam," mom,' Haruhi Suzumiya said before turning back and continuing the marching procession all over again.

An orderly suddenly turned into the waiting room and the wedding party stood with bated breath. He looked at the chart that he carried and then turned back around in a flurry of scrubs. The family listened to the sound of his footsteps, waiting a time when he'd stop, realise he's made a mistake and go talk to them. He just kept on walking away.

'You'd think they'd tell us something by now,' Haruhi Said.

'You'd think you'd check if a handgun was loaded before indiscriminately firing it up in the air...'

Haruhi stopped and turned to her uncle. She was desperately trying not to laugh at his joke.

'Well who the hell gives their son a one hundred and fifty one year old handgun.'

Both Suzumiyas turned to Kyon's father, who had himself gone somewhat red. The entire wedding party turned towards him.

'It was an antique!'

Suddenly Kyon's mother smacked her husband across the back of the head, 'It isn't an antique if you have to register it with the NPA bakka.'

'So,' Mrs Suzumiya said in an effort to change the subject. 'Where did that gorgeous maid of honour go?'

'Koizumi?' Kyon's sister said.

'Gorgeous?' Haruhi said.

'He's with his date,' Kyon's father said and rubbed his head. 'That Nagato woman...when we left the reception in the ambulance they were talking to that Police Detective...Detective?'

'Briscoe?'

'Yeah, thank you dear, Detective Briscoe. They were going over the accident.'

'Do you think there'll be any legal problems?' Haruhi's mother said.

'Nah, it was all on camera and a lot of references to back the story.'

'Koizumi always had a way with words...' Haruhi said.

Suddenly a small redheaded nurse turned into the waiting room. She looked at her chart and squinted her eye; unsure of how to read Kyons father's notoriously bad handwriting.

'How do I pronounce this?' the nurse said silently to herself. Haruhi marched towards her and took hold of her shoulders.

'Suzumiya family?' Haruhi said. The nurse squinted at the chart once again.

'Erm...yes.'

'And?' the entire wedding party said in unison.

'The Doctor told me to tell you all that erm...I'm sorry I can't read this,'

'Kyon,' the entire (English speaking) wedding party said in unison...again.

'Kie-on,' the nurse said, 'he's doing well. The bullet didn't hit his back as you originally reported.'

'But his back was bleeding.'

'Let me finish. The bullet was old and shattered on impact. Pieces of shrapnel embedded themselves into his leg, back, arm and gluteus maximus.'

'Glue-tee-us-maxim-us?'

'You'll have to forgive my mother,' Haruhi Said. 'She doesn't speak English very well.'

'Oh, erm..., the nurse turned to Mrs Suzumiya. 'The bull-et shat-ter-ed and a piece of it dug it-self in-to your son-in-laws ass!' The nurse said, stressing each syllable the way that English speakers do when they assume that the other speaker doesn't understand them.

Nagaru Suzumiya, and his niece's new father in law grinned, barely able to hold back the laughter.

Mrs Suzumiya looked shocked, almost offended even.

'Hello,' Koizumi said as he and Nagato turned into the waiting room. The wedding party and the nurse turned their attention to him whilst Yuki stood in anonymity. 'Have we had any news on the groom?' he said in perfect English.

The nurse blinked, 'Oh, erm...'

'He's alive,' Haruhi said and then turned to the nurse. 'Is he stable?'

'Yes, although he's still being cleared up in theatre.'

'Can we see him?'

The nurse looked at her chart once again. 'I think so. The Doctor didn't say anything directly so...I don't see why not. Collect your things and follow me...'

Kyon's hospital room had yellow walls and equipment casually scattered about; lights, trays, a defibulator and a dozen or so other things that no one recognised. Haruhi lead the way, with Kyon's sister, Yuki and Koizumi following. The parents were the last to arrive in the room, accompanied by the Doctor and the blonde nurse from before.

Kyon lay face down on the gurney in the centre of the room. His bottom half was covered in a blue plastic surgical sheet. He still wore his white tuxedo shirt. On the table next to the gurney there sat a small silver plate filled with reddish water, with three small pieces of warped metal floating in it. Haruhi sat down on the chair on the other side of the gurney. Someone had slung Kyon's black jacket over it. She took Kyon's hand. He lifted his head up. She gave him a half smile.

'Hi,' she said, barely rising above a whisper.

'You shot me in the back,' he replied, his voice barely audible and croaky.

'I shot up in the air...and the bullet came down, you were just bent over at the time.'

'You shot me in the back.'

'I...'

'She shot you in the ass,' Nagato said, calmly and without any hint of opinion or feelings.

'What?' Kyon said in a haze as he turned around slightly, 'Really?'

The family nodded, Nagaru Suzumiya and Kyon's father were barely able to keep their laughter to themselves. Nagato still lacked a physical reaction.

'Wow that sucks.'

'I'm sorry,' Haruhi said. She lifted her new husbands hand up from the hospital gurney and kissed it.

'It's alright, it's totally fine. Like totally fine. Because, you know what, I realised something after that nice Doctor Grey gave me that nice injection with that really big needle.'

'What did you realise?'

'My mother is a fish!'

The wedding party looked at each other, bewildered. 'He's gone insane,' Nagaru said.

'He's gone nuts,' Kyon's sister said.

'He's turned into William Faulkner,' Haruhi said.

Koizumi chuckled to himself, 'It appears that Kyon's morphine has kicked in.'

'Can't we turn the morphine down?' Mrs Suzumiya said.

'No,' Nagaru said. Kyon's mother and father both turned to him. 'Leave him like this. I like him more this way.'

* * *

><p>The wedding party spent some time with Kyon before leaving. Nagaru and Mrs Suzumiya left first; their plane back to Japan left in the morning.<p>

'See you when you get back, and don't worry guys. I'll call the airline and have them re-arrange the flight until after you can sit on an airline seat,' Nagaru said as they left. Kyon's family spent a little more time with the newlyweds, waiting for the orderlies to move their son into a proper room. At about 2am however, Kyon's mother declared, as she pointed at Kyon's younger sister, still had school in the morning.

'I'll be back in the morning with clothes for you dear,' Kyon's mother said as she hugged Haruhi and gave her a kiss on each cheek. 'In spite of everything, it was a beautiful wedding and you were a beautiful bride.'

'Thanks.'

Kyon's father, with his daughter in his arms didn't hug or shake hands. He merely stood in front of his new daughter in law and smiled. 'She's right. It was a nice day,' he walked off chuckling to himself. Suddenly he stopped, and turned around. 'And to think...this wedding could have been in Kyoto. It wouldn't have been nearly as fun.'

And then the four remaining members of the SOS brigade were alone, for a little while more.

'Do you remember that time a few years ago when Kyon first asked you to marry him, during the Tanabata party in the park?' Koizumi said.

'No, not really,' Haruhi said with a little chuckle.

'_I do not believe that Kyon does either,'_ Yuki thought from the corner of the room.

'There's been a lot of alcohol since then...' Haruhi said from the chair next to Kyon's bed, with her hands on her stomach. 'Do you remember that time that Kyon fell down the stairs at school?'

'I remember, _wise_ brigade chief,' Koizumi said with a chuckle. 'That there was only one of us that never left this young man's side.'

'The good old days...'

'They were the best.'

* * *

><p>Yuki and Koizumi took a brisk pace through the darkened hospital wards. They took their time, making absolutely sure as to not wake any of the humans currently recouperating in the beds that surrounded them. Not that their presence was potentially unexplainable, they simply wished for privacy.<p>

'Well, that was an interesting service,' Koizumi said, 'First the groom is nearly abducted by The King in Blue's Knights Inquisitorius and Agents of the Silent King and then, once he's married he's shot by the bride.'

'Not to mention the Bride's uncle was nearly assassinated by Intelligence Officers from the CIA's Special Activities Division, MOSSAD's Kidon, The Afghan National Directorate of Security, the Direction du Reneignement militaire _and_ the Secret Intelligence Service's Special Operations Section.'

'The French were here?'

'Yes.'

'I must have missed them.'

'Mr Suzumiya dealt with them whilst you were negotiating with 'Ka Faraq Gatri' for the return of Kyon's father's Fez from The Weeping Angels.'

'Ah,' Koizumi said. 'It was a very, very busy day.'

'Yes.'

Koizumi smiled and then turned to his comapanion. 'So, did you detect anything strange about Haruhi?'

'Yes.'

'Do you think she's become aware?'

'Yes.'

'It looks like we'll have a lot to deal with.'

'Yes.'

'We'll have to get a gift to appease her wrath.'

'Yes.'

'Are we both going to get different gifts or are we going to go halfway on a gift?'

'No,' she said as a matter of fact.

* * *

><p>The newlyweds were alone in Kyon's hospital room. Outside, the nurses were changing shifts and the orderlies were having cigarettes on the roof. The sun had began to rise over the curvature of the Earth and the birds had begun to take flight and sing. It was a new day.<p>

It was going to be a beautiful day.

Haruhi the Bride sat on the fabric chair in the corner of the room, still in her wedding dress. Her eyes had turned slightly red and it strained her to keep them open. She blinked a lot. Her husband tossed and turned in his drug induced sleep, and pulled his face whenever he turned over the wound. He exhaled suddenly and then slowly pulled his eyes open.

Haruhi stood up and quickly made her way to the side of his bed.

'Hi,' she said.

'Yo.'

'How are you feeling?'

Kyon's eyes rolled back into his head, and then returned to their original position. 'Well, except for the fact that I've been shot off course...'

'Yes.'

'And accounting for the fact that I'm now married...to you in fact, and the fact that I now owe a little over five million yen, and the fact that I have this in my hand.' He said, gesturing to the IV needle stuck into his hand.

'Yes...'

'This is fantastic. I'm in heaven. This stuff is better than the Absinthe that Taniguchi brought to your universities Tanabata garden party.'

'I don't remember anything about that night.'

'Neither do I, normally, but this stuff is just fantastic.'

She laughed, and then the laughter turned to a chuckle and then it turned it turned into an uncomfortable silence, 'So...at the reception, when you were about to make your toast...what were you going to announce?'

'I've been published, they bought the first book.'

'Oh...'

'Why?'

'I've got an announcement of my own. Err...I,' she said before leaning into his ear. She whispered the rest, as silently as possible. She dared not say it any louder in case it endangered the fact. She leaned back, and smiled at her husband. He was very, very surprised.

'Please bring me a bed pan, I think I'm going to be sick,' he said with a grin.

* * *

><p><strong>OOC: In case your wondering this one takes place after 2-3 years after chapter 2 and about 10-15 years before chapter 1. If you would like to review any thoughts or feelings you may have would be greatly appreciated, and would ultimately lead to me becoming a better writer, which is good for all, if you do not feel so enclined to review, thank you very much for reading anyway; I hope you enjoyed my story.<br>**


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